I'm Such A Rabbit

Now why did they have to dangle that big fat juicy orange carrot in front of me?

I was just thinking Monday morning how happy I am now that we finally have Brynn and how I truly want for nothing in life. I was trying hard not to think about having to go back to work in two weeks. However, a little sadness was starting to creep in as I sat looking at Brynn smile at me. Her whole face lights up and her smile shines from her big brown eyes. I started to think about all the milestones I will probably miss while I'm at work. Then the phone rang. My supervisor was calling with an offer.

She wanted to know if I would like to cut down my FTE (full time employment) to half-time. She said a half-time employee was leaving the department for another position and wanted to know if I wanted to cut down and spend more time at home with my little girl. I could still do my current job working with Pediatric Cardiology. The hours would be working every Wednesday, every Thursday, and every other Friday. Monday's off. Tuesday's off. Every other Friday off. WOW!

I literally said to her, "You've got great timing. I was just sitting here thinking about how I want to stay home longer with Brynn." She said she figured I would be. She gave me until Tuesday to make a decision.

Looking back now I can see how this isn't a very realistic idea. But wow. What an opportunity. I would love to stay home with Brynn. There were so many factors to consider: monthly income, monthly expenses, savings on daycare, possibly not having to do daycare at all. So many things to think about. Gary and I discussed it at length and I ran through the numbers over and over again. I wanted so badly to do it.

When I talked to my supervisor Tuesday morning she said I would job share with a girl that has floated on my desk before. It sounded like they had everything all planned out. I told them I really wanted to do it but was hesitant to jump in when income vs. expenses was a bit unknown. I didn't want to say yes and then find ourselves in trouble down the line. They have a record in this department. People barely ever leave. They just transfer around within the department and change their FTE all the time. I asked her if I were to take the half-time position and six months down the road decided it wasn't for me, could I apply for a full time position within the department and keep my current job with Peds. (this is done all the time) She said that no, I would have to move to wherever the full time position opened up. That was a deal breaker for me. I won't leave my Peds. desk. It's frustrating to me that I wouldn't be able to keep my job after 10 years with the same Doctors and patients. I think my Doctors would have a thing or two to say about that, but oh well, I don't want to take that chance.

I asked her if they would consider letting me cut down to .8 which would give me one day off every week. They are going to think about it and get back to me on Wednesday. As it stands now, I am going back on April 16th as a .9. I will have every other Tuesday off. It's better than nothing I guess. After doing a LOT of thinking, I think I have come to peace with the fact that I won't be home with Brynn as much as I'd like. Why did they even have to call me and offer such a tempting thing? I was feeling so happy. Stupid carrot.